Mediated Conflict Resolution
Mediator's steps:
- End hostilities and cool off.
- Ensure all people are committed to the mediation process.
- Help each negotiate successful with each other (six steps for resolving conflict).
- Formalize an agreement.
- End Hostility and Cool off suggestions
Stop fights
Adults should always break up fights. Two adults should work together. Order students to stop and restrain them. Never restrain one student without restraining the other. Use restraint only in an emergency. Such action could cause the parties to turn on the teacher.
- Train observers to leave and not to be spectators or
- surround the dispute and chant stop fighting, or
- singing a happy song: Row, Row, Row, Your Boat, or
- distract and divert their attention, physical, and emotional energy. Hey whose $10?
- Breaking eye contact between disputants will often stop a fight.
Cool off hostile individuals
- Individuals can move to cool-off corners.
- Use deep breathing and muscle relaxation. Take in a deep breath while counting to 10 and then back to 1, or
- Tense all muscles and breath in, while muscles are tense hold breath for five seconds, slowly exhale and relax muscles for five seconds.
- Imagine the anger leaking out your toes as you relax or imagine it drains away through the feet and walk away from it.
- Engage in physical activity like jogging.
Reflect on a conflict, define it, and think of alternative ways to resolve it.
Move to a Mediation Area
- Select a neutral area.
- The mediator may sit at one end of a table and disputants sit across from one another.
- Put paper and a pencil on the table for each person.
Mediation Process Suggestions
- Introduce your self and confirm the names of the disputants.
- Introduce the purpose of the mediation process. Explain that you will not take sides or attempt to decide who is right or wrong.
- Confirm if they are committed to succeed.
- Go over the rules and elicit a promise to abide.
Rules for Mediating
- Agree to solve the problem.
- Use only the person's chosen name.
- One person talks at a time.
- Be honest.
- Agree to abide by the agreement.
- Everything that is said is confidential except for information on drugs, weapons, and alcohol
- Ask for questions
- Gather Information
- Listen.
- Find the facts.
- Analyze what everyone says to see if agreement is possible.
- Enforce the rules (no interruptions, insults, or shouting).
- Be patient.
- Respect both students.
- Ask all parties their wants
- Ask how the other's actions interfere with their wants.
- Ask how they felt.
- Ask for three ways to resolve the conflict and reestablish a good relationship.
- Ask for three ideas to try if it happens again.
- Ask each if they have anything to say to the other party.
- Assist Negotiations if disputants need help.
Summarize what happened and what they want.
- Summarize how they feel.
- Ask for their confirmation of your summary.
- Ask them for reasons for their wants and feelings.
- Ask for their understanding of the other's perspective, wants, feelings and rationale.
- Ask for other optional agreements that maximize joint outcomes.
Try to have them select one option and reach an agreement.
The following ideas might help to recognize a need for agreement:
- their common interests and the importance of maintaining a constructive long-term relationship.
- how the future of the relationship is more important than any short-term advantage from winning.
- the need for each other to reach an agreement.
- that if the relationship is damaged, they will have future difficulties that will be worse than not getting what we want today.
- describe common interests to bring parties together and describe opposing interests as a mutual problem to be solved.
Other Hints
- Encourage ownership of their feelings.
- Use "I" messages.
- Name the feeling or use sensory descriptions.
- Avoid pressure to take sides.
- Reduce emotional charges and language. Rather than saying "She is angry because you stole her purse," say, "She is angry because you had her purse." Rather than saying, "The two of you were yelling at each other about the $15," the mediator can say, "You talk to each other in loud ways when the topic of money comes up."
- Paraphrase.
- Restate the facts and summarize the events.
- Reflect feelings.
- Remain neutral.
- Refuse to give advice or suggestions.
- Avoid bringing up feelings and problems from you own experience.
- Look for the positive.
- Explore the multiple meanings of any one behavior.
- "Think of situations in which that same behavior would be positive."
- Increase motivation by highlighting the gains for resolution and the costs for no resolution.
Try for a particular agreement.
If disputants are not able to agree on what happened have them agree that they are in crisis.
- See if they agree on how they will relate in the future. Future-oriented agreements will not force anyone to admit wrongdoing.
- Try for a package deal and tradeoffs.
- See if they will agree to a principle. I.e. students may not agree on whether one should replace a lost book but they may agree to the principle that it is wrong to solve problems by fighting.
- Compromises are unstable because neither disputant gets all of what he or she wants and the relationship is not fully repaired.
- Understanding is like peeling an onion. One layer reveals another layer underneath.
- Equalizing power. It is hard for a low-power person to negotiate with a high-power person and vice versa. Help the less articulate person state his or her wants, feelings, and reasons to equalize power.